Monday, October 23, 2006

Change and some other shakes

There are certain times in your life, which are so powerful and sudden, that they'll leave you completely ripped of all your beliefs, convictions and aspirations. And so challenging are such times, that you feel as if you have lived the life of a complete idiot until now. It's like when you are 10 and believe that the tooth fairy does exist and wait eagerly for your first tooth to fall so you can get the extra buck. Or you actually are nice to the kid you hate most, because you are afraid that Santa is ACTUALLY watching from the North Pole and won't get you anything for Christmas.

Then, by the time you are 12, and have a whole set of new teeth, without any addition to your piggy bank, you realise the tooth fairy is cheap and that Santa can't see all the way from North Pole, because the guy who kept bullying you always got the better gifts for Christmas. (what you didn't know then was the fact that the guy was stinking rich, but that doesn't still proves the fact that Santa ain't watching).

Later, when you hit adolescence (the most eye-opening years) you start dreaming about the perfect guy, you know the one who is cute, has a great smile (dimples of course!), smart, yada yada yada and has eyes only for you, a guy who thinks you totally rock and though you have no intentions of meeting him immediately ( your parents would kill you) you are pretty sure that one day fate will do her magic and both of you will meet. And you're happy waiting. Till then, you keep yourself busy with girly gossip, PJ parties, school, extra curricular activities, doing well, keeping your rank amongst the first three in class (what an ego boost that is! ), and enjoying life, fancy free!

And then comes that time, the one that will again shake everything, the change. You meet people smarter than you, who can manage stuff better than you, rather who do it better than you. As the 'incompetent' feeling starts to seep in, you turn to your girlfriends for help, the ones who had promised to stick with you through thick and thin, only to realise that promises made at overnight parties and in slambooks are void. Being the damsel in distress, that smart, suave guy you were sure you'd meet has no plans of saving you, or if by chance you do run into him, you soon realise he is busy running around the trees with a much prettier( read dumb) female. And as you're trying to get over the betrayal of your so called true love, your parents start expressing their discontent over your new lifestyle, the pathetic state of your room ( and the fact that EVERYBODY has a messy room is not good enough an excuse ) , and your disregard for responsibility. Yeah, you pretty much lose it there.

And though all of us can relate to this feeling of utter frustration, the time when you do go through it is probably one of the loneliest times ever. Of course, what we don't realise is, that all these tumultuous ups and downs , act as a catalyst in the 'growing up' process. I still remember my first 'unrequited' crush. Looking back, I'm glad it remained unrequited ( I had pretty much a lousy taste in guys . Yeah,okaaayy, stop laughing now) It has improved now. I think. :P

But, as they claim ( I have no idea who 'they' refers to, lets just go by popular belief) , every struggle in nature results in evolution ( hell, I have no idea if that has ever been said, I just sorta came up with that one, so lemme explain with examples) so, going on, for example, a butterfly struggles out from the chrysalis, only to be set free. A child struggles to get on all four, only to later learn how to crawl and then walk. Each struggle in Nature results in the better adaptation of the individual to the surroundings.

Similarly, the mental struggles of an individual are not an unfortunate incident, but a necessary honing of the mental self to survive in a world full of treachery, wrath, revenge, deceit, betrayal, blasphemy and profanity. And all this just leads to a balanced, pragmatic attitude which I believe is an approach certainly more effective than an emotional one.

And once you go through those depressingly lonely times, the other smaller, nicer things in life give you double the happiness.A pat on the back, a smile from a cute stranger, an A+ on a test, a good game, acknowledgement, appreciation, recognition. Change, inevitable (except from a vending machine) supplies a different perception, of people, of circumstances, of opportunities, and of yourself. The scary part, and it freaks me out, is that only a few of us actually emerge stronger and better. The rest make headlines for suicides, murders, and acts of vandalism.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

All in a day

I'm again in one of those moods of mine. The mood in which I don't feel like doing anything though I'm not slightly tired. I think I'm not tired. I should be tired. Maybe I AM tired. After all, I have had only 4 hours of sleep and no lunch. Why did I put myself through such torture? Call it temporary insanity, which results due to stress, which results due to a very unnecessary thing called 'submissions' which unfortunately HAS to exist in a educational stream called as engineering. You'd think that long run-on sentence might have provided some kind of emotional release but unfortunately it has just succeeded in heightening the frustration, so you'll just have to deal with more rants. Tough luck.

So, why 4 hours of sleep in the first place? Because Microsoft produces lousy software. But I guess I don't need to stress on that. Sorry Bill, don't take it personally. It's just the lousy mood talking, and it will be till I understand 'software' better. Or it might just still be the same. Anyway, so yeah 4 hours of sleep and 8 hours of college out of which 5 are spent running around for printouts, index sheets, signatures, extra assignments and reading other notices put up to remind you, this is not the worst. And why no lunch? Because you can never leave the lab out of the fear the teacher may just walk in any minute, and just screw your life more if not seen. Of course, when you do try to approximate the time of the teachers arrival by nicely asking her/him (with your hands behind your back and pleasant relaxed face...mind condition not in agreement ...obviously) when they plan to arrive, it is ALWAYS the very next minute without it BEING the very next minute. So then obviously you wait and wait....and well.... lunch sorta just goes outta the picture.

And now that I'm in this mood, I'll question why I took up engineering in the first place. Hmmm..... so I will go ponder that. Till then, take care.