Brain dump

I miss my best friends. I miss those days when we used to sit on the terrace and yap about nothing in particular. Talks about the future and who we wanted to be and how we imagined our life post exams and school.

Silly ideas about love and life and an overwhelming desire to live them out. Random discussions over purpose and substance. Debates over the "right" and the "wrong". Heated arguments on philosophical topics.  Which were then cooled by raspberry flavoured popsicles.

Arguing over which movie to watch and how much popcorn to make. And then crying at the end of a devastatingly romantic movie and wondering if men like that existed. And if they did, why weren't they wooing us?

Pillow fights. Loud music. Midnight bike rides.

Sharing the ecstasy of buying good looking clothes cheap. Dressing up for dance parties and the facial disasters, thanks to liquid mascara. And the vows to never use it again. And again.

Reading classics and marveling at how subtle romance used to be. Listening to obscure music and mining for deeper meaning within lyrics.

Writing our own lyrics. Setting a tune. Singing on the top of our voices.

Birthdays. Bonding. Believing.
Moving out. Moving on. Moving away. 
Sticking up. Standing tall. Sitting pretty.

Even then, even now :)

For that small, flitting grain of time....

I wish I could write a mindset altering piece.
One that would make people believe in existence of good. One that would bring goosebumps. One that will sear irrational convictions to bring about a radiant flush within the mind. Write words that would evoke feelings of togetherness and harmony. Words that deftly yet subtly signify some meaning of existence and humanity, providing solace to troubled, questioning minds. Some father would keep it, hoping to inspire his child. Some mother would read it, just before she kissed goodnight. And maybe some young adult, would wipe away a tear, smiling wistfully as he acknowledged the truth, the one he knew deep inside and the one that I'd written. A naive young teenager, would use it to calm herself, when she felt that tussle between her mind and heart. And somewhere, few of the words would be inscribed, in rock, for the world to see, and feel..... forever.


I wish I could dance on a big stage.
A combination of ballet, salsa and contemporary. Throw in a jumpy jive too, while I'm at it.
It'd be an exhilarating, new choreography, fresh and meaningful. Wear a beautiful dress, one with tassels and a flare. A dress that would encircle the waist with each spin and then flare out. And silver stilettos. The dance, the music, the theme would thrill the audience, draw them in, and leave them with a feeling of having made the best investment of money. The critics would describe it as "Sensational" and aspiring dancers would emulate. And it's essence would be captivating, and used in creative forms, to entice... and so would erupt a feeling, that could only be described as indescribable.



I wish I could be whisked away.
To an exotic location. With exotic food.
And spend the evening dining with a man, who is head over heels in love with me.
We'd discuss literature, movies, life, him, me and all that with potential of making the experience unforgettable. Oh, and there would be flirting too. The witty, classy type. And the plain cheesy. He'd wear the perfect shade of white. And have the mischievous, lop-sided, dimpled grin that would melt my heart. And then he'd ask me to dance, and we'd end the evening with a rumba on Celine Dion's Falling into You.

I wish I could live a million lifetimes in each breath.
I wish each emotion could be wholly expressed.
I wish my words could be written into a book.

I wish I could strike a chord within your heart.
I wish you'd smile when you saw me laugh.
I wish my glow could light your way.


I wish I could live on in your dreams...
And be unforgettable...
If not for a lifetime, you'd at least remember me,
For that small, flitting grain of time

I can't understand why people make such a big deal out of their first love.

Is it not your last love that's important?

That's the one that lasts.

I analyze almost as much as I breathe.

Every situation. Every emotion.

You. Myself. Everyone.

But mostly me.

I wonder if what I feel is right.
I wonder if what I feel is allowed.
I wonder if what I feel is correct.

Yet, I don' t stop feeling.

I make rules for myself. I try to behave.

Yet, I choose to be free spirited.

I choose my words. I control my actions.

Yet, I make mistakes.

I fear of getting hurt. I fear of heartbreak.

Yet, I say "I love you"

I seek attention. I crave company.

Yet, I never want to ask for it.

At the end of the day, I tell myself to be practical.

Yet, I continue to be impulsive.

I go through many emotions, each one I promise will be the last.

Yet, each time it feels as though it's the first.

I console myself saying I'm like everyone else.

Yet, at times I feel all alone.

Analyze then introspect.

Then I realize I can not be anyone else but me.

Predictably unpredictable.

Unpredictably predictable.

A Pure Paradox.

Yours Truly.

At times, I am the shoulder. And then, I need one.
I seek inspiration.
I don't think being taken for granted is a sign of true friendship.
It puzzles me why saying and doing the right thing is always so difficult.
It is easier hiding behind a facade.
Sometimes, I cry myself to sleep. And sometimes, I'm too excited to close my eyes.
It happens to only some of us.
No one can hear a heart breaking.
Life is to be smiled at.
Friends are hard to find.
Memories keep me smiling.
Mercurial.
There are a million things that go through my mind and there are million things I want to say. At times, I wish to say nothing at all.
I'm here but not really.
Whoever said it's hard to break a friendship had no idea what he was talking about.
Things are easily forgotten. Feelings easily ignored.
We are selfish people.
Parents are the world.
New York would be an amazing city to live in.
Moments of clarity are often delusional.
Friendship is tolerance.
Trust is an oxymoron.
Loneliness breeds introspect.


I had to say something. I have no idea where I got lost

Sometimes you like someone only because you like yourself when you are around them

Writers block.

Today has been a crappy day.