Sunday, October 21, 2007

Emotions conflicting,
disturbing, depressing.
The people around move,
unknowing, uncaring.

My skin feels second,
my mind seems lost.
Reasons are a million,
no sense at all.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

When you say nothing at all

" You say it best,
When you say nothing at all"

I doubt the above mentioned lines need introduction. They are from the much famous song by Ronan Keating (OST of Notting Hill, a hit movie owing to it's attractive Brit hunk, and no I'm not talking about Spike ) sung in a romantic-emotions evoking voice. The classic mushy make -your - heart melt song. And it makes me go "Aaawwww"

Yeh, I'm a fan of the song. My friends tease me over the fact, that no guy will ever find it appropriate to dedicate the song to me, because I usually DO have something to say. I snarl in return. Okay, so I resort to vicious expressions when words fail, but it still falls under the "Saying nothing at all" category. It does!

But they joke, and I ignore. See, saying nothing at all again. And I dream about that bench in the park. The blue house. The handsome Brit hunk. ( No, not Spike! Geez! ) And I smile to myself and say Someday.....

But, reality is quite different than that described by a chart topper. And such discoveries don't take time to sink in.

It, honestly, sucks having nothing to say. Almost suffocating. Like defeat, where you console yourself saying that maybe, just maybe, your silence will make some difference. But then, that's just wishful thinking. And lots of willpower.

It stifles, not being able to express. And not being able to express usually stems from knowing and accepting that what you say won't matter. And that's pretty harsh.

It's better, I guess, to say something wrong. You can apologize later. It's best to say something right. An ego boost, plus instant trust.

Of course, saying nothing at all is different than "choosing" not to say anything. The latter at least leaves you with a feeling of doing good by keeping mum. Having nothing to say at all, that's resignation of thought. Loss of influence. Loss of worth.

It's when you try hard to divert, distract and adopt the " It really doesn't matter to me" attitude. You lie to yourself, though deep down you know you have been beaten.

Romantic or not, I'd rather not have " speechless" moments. I would prefer having the capacity to utter a "Wow", "Amazing", "Oh god!" in situations, rather than be overwhelmed by emotions of disturbing, conflicting nature and build a wall around myself.

I'm sure Paul Overstreet and Don Schlitz did not want me to feel this way. They did include a smile on the face and truth in eyes in the lyrics, and I probably should have let that soothe my agitation. But, that's just me, putting in my two pence.

What do you have to say?

Monday, July 09, 2007

The thing about girls...

Well I'm surprised I never wrote on this topic before! Having been the crush-er, the crush-ee, the cupid, the adviser, and the sympathetic shoulder!

The few things said. Sure most girls can relate ;) Guys can well .... enjoy!

Scenario #1

A : You so like him!
B : No I don't! He is such an ass I tell you! I hate him.
A : Yeah, right! You love him!
B : Idiot! Can't he just reply once! *sigh*
A : *laugh* You are so into this guy!
B: I hate him okay? Now shut up!

Or it could be like....

Scenario # 2

A : So, I heard someone has a crush!?
B : Who who?
A : You!
B : *blush*
A : I do think you are gonna go out with him!He's perfect! He's much better than all those other losers you had crush on! It's gonna work out!
B : Don't jinx it!

or

Scenario # 3

A: Man! He's adorable!
B: Oooohhh..!! So just ask him out!
A: I can't!
B: Why not? Are you too chicken? *giggles*
A: Noooo.... there's another girl!
A + B: Bitch!

or....

Scenario # 4

A: He thinks of me as a good friend
B: Ewww
A: I know... this sucks!
B: Hey, his best friend is kinda cute too you know...
A: Yeah? Actually....

and finally...

Scenario # 5

A: He thinks you are not his type
B: Hello? I'm a girl! How can I NOT be his type?
A: Gay?
B: I'm gonna die single!

I'm expecting comments on this one... :)

Sunday, July 08, 2007

The eyes behold
the dreams of a mind
A spirit wishes
to be immortalized

Don't steal my dreams
Don't say it's a lie
Let me breathe
I feel alive

The week that was....and one that will be

I landed a job.

My best friend got an Airtel.
( Money has suddenly become more important to me. Saving it that is )

Taj Mahal is one of the New Seven Wonders.

I will be...

Shopping

Drinking champagne on my cousins 25th birthday

Getting away

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Situations show you your true friends.

I'm glad I always saw right.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Dance away

I stood in pose.
Head down.
Hands rested on my thighs.
Hip jutted.
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E.
The word flashed in my mind.
My shoulders became straighter.
I stood taller.


I could hear the C.D. being inserted and the whirring sound it made before the head found the right track. Time to move.

Choreographing this song had been the best experience. It was supposed to be a "sexy" song, and initially, had sent all of us into peals of laughter and had caused a lot of blushing. Now...well....

It started off in a freestyle. We moved and swayed to the music, throwing occasional se..xy..., oh who am I kidding, with pursed lips, narrowed eyes, and loud movements, we were trying to look our sexiest best. I never dared to steal a glance at the guys during this one minute. It was a frightening thought.

Freeze. The girls on either side moved ahead. I followed suit.

One, two, three, four. Step. Step.

Don't stop, don't stop, hissed the girl singing the song.

Butt shake. I stifled a smile. A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E flashed in my mind again.

The song slowed down to a sultry beat, and we went on all fours and crawled ahead. The next step was lovingly termed the "babuji" step by all of us. Man, that Yana Gupta sure made this one look easy.

Twist, twist, move up.

Walk. One, two, three, look over shoulder, four.

Don't stop, don't stop.
Hips sashayed to the music, sending the edge of a flouncy skirt slightly high. Instinctively, four pairs of male eyes glanced in that direction. Boys will be boys.

The music stopped with a final plea of Don't stop, don't stop.
We stood in attention, waiting for the hip hop number to start. I loved this song. It was upbeat, energetic, and sporty. It made you bounce around the place, and the first few days were spent in getting the light spring in every step. It had jerks, swift moves, all oozing out punkish vibes. It made you feel light and carefree while moving. Plus, this sequence had a snazzy mix of Indian jhatkas and Western pump.

The irregular moves now gave way to technically perfect moves for Sean Paul's Temperature. Each move had to be well defined, and perfectly timed.

More hip shakes. More spins. The guys really had strenuous moves. Falls, push -ups, almost like a work out regime!

I got da right temperature to shelter you from da storm....
One, two, three, cross, left, right, move across.
Head, hip, shake, turn
left, right, pose, turn
The guys then took us by the waist and sent us spinning into the centre.

One spin, two spin. stop.

oh I wanna be da Papa...You can be da Mom....oh oh!
Right leg out, one step in, left, right, shake that thing. :P

With one swift movement, the final positions were taken.

Applause.

The choreographer dude then corrected some of us. New positions were decided. Costumes changed.

I was on a high. My mind had nothing but bits and pieces of the various songs mixed in it, creating a soundtrack of my own. My breath was shallow and my limbs ached. Sweat dripped slowly down my back. Loose tendrils of hair stuck on my cheeks.

Once more, he yelled.

I got into position.

I snuck a peek at the watch.

It was just 7 A.M.


Friday, April 20, 2007

At times, I am the shoulder. And then, I need one.
I seek inspiration.
I don't think being taken for granted is a sign of true friendship.
It puzzles me why saying and doing the right thing is always so difficult.
It is easier hiding behind a facade.
Sometimes, I cry myself to sleep. And sometimes, I'm too excited to close my eyes.
It happens to only some of us.
No one can hear a heart breaking.
Life is to be smiled at.
Friends are hard to find.
Memories keep me smiling.
Mercurial.
There are a million things that go through my mind and there are million things I want to say. At times, I wish to say nothing at all.
I'm here but not really.
Whoever said it's hard to break a friendship had no idea what he was talking about.
Things are easily forgotten. Feelings easily ignored.
We are selfish people.
Parents are the world.
New York would be an amazing city to live in.
Moments of clarity are often delusional.
Friendship is tolerance.
Trust is an oxymoron.
Loneliness breeds introspect.


I had to say something. I have no idea where I got lost

Monday, April 02, 2007

There it stood. Tall. In all its glory.

Beautiful.

Mesmerizing.

Enchanting.

A rose.

It made everyone stop and stare. A second look definitely.
Kids called it pretty. Females cooed. Men admired.

Pompous and vain.
But gorgeous nevertheless.

The ordinary ferns on either side enhanced its appeal.

Attractive. Alluring.

But it wasn't long before it started shedding. Wilting.
With that came a pervasive noisome odor.

The odor that reeked of dying vanity, and short lived glamour.

I always wonder why I love roses.
.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

A double game,
of mind and heart,
Joy and ecstasy,
or a crash and fall

A fleeting glance,
a simple smile,
the touch of your hand,
the sound of your voice

Trust over betrayal,
reserved and coy,
emotions overwhelm,
as hearts entwine

A bond can be grown,
or tears can be shed,
Passion and love,
or agony and regret ?

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

5 super heroes a girl must date

I love The Incredibles. Absolutely love them. They are fun. They are cool. AND they wear my favourite colour - RED!

Super heroes rock.

As a child, they provide you inspiration by fighting off evil. As a teenager, they provide you a mental sketch of your perfect guy.(I'm the Spiderman type.Ahem. MJ- get it? :P ) And once you get married, they probably make you look at your ordinary, pot-bellied husband with certain amount of disdain.

Super heroes rock.

And here's a compilation of five of the most date-worthy super-men....

1) Superman
Ever feared the day you'll introduce your beau to your parents? It's like nothing seems appropriate enough. And you can just about imagine the scowl on your parents face when you start off with "Mom, dad, I'd like you to meet......", or even "Hey mom and dad! Remember how you used to always say, someday you'll find the right guy? weeelllll.... ::big grin and suggestive eyes:: ...", or "Mom and Dad.Meet _______. I'm kinda, okay, like sorta like seeing him?".

Everything just spells out failure.

WHICH is why Superman becomes guy - to - date # 1. Why? Imagine your parents going "It's a bird! It's a plane! It's supppppeerrrrrmaaann!!"

And then you, oh so nonchalantly, modestly, offhandedly announce that the bird-plane combo man has grabbed your fancy. Sweet, ain't it?

Ooh, a lil secret. The underpants worn outside are actually a source of power.

Don't ask me how I know.

2) Spiderman
Alright, I have no idea as to how many girls agree with me here, but swinging the alleys of New York on dainty spider-spun thread has always been a secret fantasy of mine.

Plus, any guy who can kiss upside down in rain certainly deserves a piece of my heart.

And yeah, the guy looks good in spandex.

3) Batman
A spin in the bat-mobile is reason enough.

Plus men with a 6 pack wearing black leather are hard to resist. Ah-men!

Oh oh, and Batman's secret identity is Bruce Wayne, who is a philanthropist, playboy, AND a billionaire industrialist. Now how about that?


4)Max Evans
Doubt many know this sensitive, intelligent and intense alien from Antar currently residing in Roswell, New Mexico, USA, Earth, but he is a catch!

With only a deposit of cadmium-X, he can heal you in a minute!

It's like Maxie Poo (I swear some girls say that!) I cut myself! I'm bleeding! And voila, silver hand print and new skin! Makes the whole damsel in distress act more worthwhile too.

*Sigh*

Think the same works on blemishes and flabby skin? Hmm....


5) Zorro
Zorro. The enigmatic Don Diego de la Vega. I'm still trying to get over the way the name rolls off my tongue.

A sensitive swashbuckler who dances the flamenco (or is it the tango? ) like nobody's business!?!
(Still not over the Don Diego de la Vega...and dance is in the picture? )

Zorro, indeed, is vhery vhery vhi-gho-rhous!

Plus, I love the signature 'Z'.

I'll be his Senorita anytime.


And with that, I now return to my world with normal men.

NORMAL men.

I hate normalcy.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Recently, I discovered that I can be a pain in the ass for myself. Especially when I have no idea what to do. Like now.

Phone calls don't end up lasting more than a few minutes. Music is played but not heard. The ones you have been meaning to avoid are online. There's nothing to watch on T.V. Radio talks about broken relationships. The refrigerator provides no junk food. All the movie CDs are kept in your parents room, which is not accessible at this hour. You have tons to do, but no will to do it. And that just pisses you off more.

I thought and thought of ways to amuse myself. Maybe try dancing, but I was too lazy to get off my ass and move. Singing would not be much appreciated by neighbours. Going out for a drive was not even an option.

I decided to seek solace through the phone. Not that it helped. My three best friends were placed as follows: one in a disc, with a discharged cellphone. The other with a cold and helping a friend with girlfriend issues. And the third was trying to make hand drawn charts for some show and planning a strategy to reach college first and put the lovely creations up. Other few were not reachable, not on talking terms or not worth it.

Then there was the another cheaper and quieter mode. Short message service. But after a while, when I realised people were either more bored or having too much fun to bother about me, even that lost its charm.

So, I had two options..

1) Get to work and start composing my seminar abstract
2) Sulk, crib and sulk?

The second was way more appealing. So I sulked.

Having absolutely no one around to sympathize, I decided I was being an idiot. So even sulking was given up.

Then, desperate to do something, and get rid of the boredom that was now engulfing me in its miserable and pathetic vastness, I decided to BLOG!

Thankfully, I hadn't lost the will to blog yet.

Yes, applaud now! Thank you, thank you, you are too kind! Ok, cut the crap

So, I thought I'll make a list of all the things that cheer me up, hoping to be left in a slightly better frame of mind after I penned everything down....

So here goes nothing....

I love....

1) Dancing in front of the mirror

2) Loud music in the morning

3) Bear hugs

4) Late night calls that last for hours

5) More bear hugs

6) Unwrapping gifts

7) Chocolate - pure chocolate

8) Long drives

9) Wrapping gifts

10) Making popcorn and watching a movie with mom and dad

11) Day dreaming

12) Fighting and making up

13) Shopping

14) Getting together with friends and doing absolutely nothing

15) Waking up to discover that today is NOT a bad hair day!

ok...so this is working.....

16) Cliche, sentimental, sappy movies

17) Realistic, hard-hitting, critically acclaimed movies

18) Huge bouquet of flowers

19) Anything sweet- can be human or edible

20) Random bitching

21) Looking at old photos

22) Writing

23) Reminiscing

24) Acting crazy

25) Silly jokes

26) Tapori Songs

27) Playing pranks

28) Strawberry scented toiletries

29) Uninhibited laughter

30) Feelin' better

Here I go, high on my own......

Monday, January 01, 2007

New Year, New Everything

New Year. There's something very final and at the same time initial about it. There's excitement. And nostalgia. It's as if you have finished scripting and editing a chapter in your book, and all set to write a new one, though you are completely unaware of what to write.

There's so much you leave behind, though you probably carry much more into the new year.Hopes, ambitions, aspirations, wishes, and good will.As a daughter, you hope your parents find all the happiness they deserve.As a friend, you hope your friends keep laughing and stay sane.For yourself, you wish so many things.In general, you wish the world tries to be a happy place, because that's what everyone deserves.

I think all of us turn into sentimental schmucks this time of the year.We reminisce, we smile, we laugh, we hug, we cry, we cheer, and we partake in every possible merry activity, in hopes that the new year will be brighter, happier and sweeter.

Never has the daily event of night turning into day held so much importance.And never has it given so much anticipation.

The same Sun, we curse every other morning, is now much revered.

Of course, there's a lot that goes into making that one day special. Booking for 'the perfect' place to celebrate starts months in advance with prices doubling every other day.New Years' bashes start advertising themselves, claiming to provide the ultimate party experience.Invitee passes remind you of the importance of having 'superior connections' and every piece of clothing comes with the 'pay more, for less' tag.

With so many choices and opinions, it's not surprising that most of us have no clue as to what to do to welcome the new year.Some of us prefer to have a mellow evening at home, with family and close friends, ending a year of togetherness and starting another, with promises to always be there for each other, no matter what.Others prefer to be in a place that is abuzz with the indescribable New Year vibe.And there are others, like me, who are often torn between hitting the clubs or spending an evening in quiet company.

But no matter how you spend the evening, where you spend it,and with whom you do, the reason for celebrating is, more or less, the same. We all face the New Year with 365 multiplied by age amount of memories, stored somewhere deep within the heart and tucked away in mind, making space for another 365, good, bad or ugly ones.

Frankly speaking, I had lost all hopes of enjoying New Years' after plans of heading down to Goa were canceled.Nothing seemed enjoyable enough. And it all seemed impossible to co-ordinate.I'll spare you the details of how everything eventually worked out, and jump directly to tell you that it will definitely go down as one of the cutest and nicest New Year celebration.I mean, I ended up coming home at 4, so it outta have been fun right? :)

The night, spent in the company of close friends, though I would have preferred few others joining in, was full of laughter, new acquaintances hitting it off, and sharing the best and worst moments of 2006.

2006.It was over.But I could still remember each day as if it were only yesterday.The feelings were still fresh.Incidents, accidents, and moments still clear.Some brought a smile, and some misty eyes.But they all existed, in a sequence, each time stirring the same emotions.

2007.A new notebook, and I just wanted to snatch it, take a pen, and start scribbling before anyone beat me to it.And I already had a memory.

Morning of 2007.My mom, my best friend and I.For the first time, just talking, without any hurry or interruption.We spoke of nothing significant, a few experiences, yet it was the best conversation one could have over a steaming cup of tea.

I don't know what the year ahead will bring.It's inviting and scary.But what I do know is that my super cool parents and crazy friends will still continue to 'unconditionally' love me (aaww come on!), and I'll still be the same ol' me, much wiser of course, but still preferring not to disclose it. :)

The truth is, there is nothing "new" in the year.Everything is just better because we improved.