Brain dump

I miss my best friends. I miss those days when we used to sit on the terrace and yap about nothing in particular. Talks about the future and who we wanted to be and how we imagined our life post exams and school.

Silly ideas about love and life and an overwhelming desire to live them out. Random discussions over purpose and substance. Debates over the "right" and the "wrong". Heated arguments on philosophical topics.  Which were then cooled by raspberry flavoured popsicles.

Arguing over which movie to watch and how much popcorn to make. And then crying at the end of a devastatingly romantic movie and wondering if men like that existed. And if they did, why weren't they wooing us?

Pillow fights. Loud music. Midnight bike rides.

Sharing the ecstasy of buying good looking clothes cheap. Dressing up for dance parties and the facial disasters, thanks to liquid mascara. And the vows to never use it again. And again.

Reading classics and marveling at how subtle romance used to be. Listening to obscure music and mining for deeper meaning within lyrics.

Writing our own lyrics. Setting a tune. Singing on the top of our voices.

Birthdays. Bonding. Believing.
Moving out. Moving on. Moving away. 
Sticking up. Standing tall. Sitting pretty.

Even then, even now :)

Too soon

As she sat by the river, she thought of how he used to look at her.

She missed his laugh. She missed how he always wanted to hear about her day.

She missed the twinkle in his eyes when he was pulling her leg. Or trying to annoy her.

She missed his excited ramblings about nothing in particular.


She dipped her feet into the cool flowing water. It tickled her calloused feet.

Birds chirped somewhere behind her.

The overcast sky promised rain.

Little strings of loneliness pulled at her heart. She blinked back hot salty remembrances.

She searched the sky for reasons.

A lone tear glided down her cheek.

It glistened with the weight of past memories.

He had left her world... way too early.

She closed her eyes and felt the music.

His hands were on her back and they led her with strength and ease.

She could feel her dress swish around her. A loose tendril of hair fell across her face.

She barely cared.

He dipped her low for a fall and she threw her head back. She could feel her thigh muscles tighten and her back stretch out.

She never opened her eyes. She never let her weight fall.

The music increased in tempo and her feet increased in pace.

She felt a light throbbing in her toes.

And she smiled.

Spin, spin, spin.

She could feel her heart racing. She could feel the blood flow to her cheeks. She felt a drop of sweat trickle down her back.

As the music slowed, she anticipated his next move.

As expected, he pushed her back, brought her close and dipped her low.

She stayed in that position as the music faded out, savouring each beat.

And then she opened her eyes.

She looked up at the twinkling lights above her. White, blue and green.

And as they made slow swirling patterns above her, she stared. Mesmerized.

And she thanked God. For giving her feet.

Maybe

Maybe I should listen to sad songs.

Or watch romantic movies which boast of true and tragic endings.

Or call someone up and talk philosophy. But who?

Maybe I should go for a walk.

Or just sit here and wonder where my life is headed...

And what am I doing with it?

Maybe I should just be someone else for a while

Or at least forget who I was for a bit.

Would that be sad? Maybe.

Maybe I should teach regularly.

Or travel often.

Explore. Dream. Discover.

Hmmm....

Maybe.

Maybe yes.

Maybe no.

Perhaps.

Possibly.

So.

I have stared at this post for the past 30 minutes, thinking of what to write and finally given up.

C.R.A.P.

A hushed tear,
a trembling sigh,
a warm shiver,
As time crawls by.

Mother

She patiently listened, as I spoke out my heart,

Her eyes were warm and tender and calm,

She told me to breathe and poured me some tea,

"Life", she said, " is never what it's meant to be."

She stroked my hair and wiped my cheek,

Her eyes gleamed of known agonies,

Her hands were soft and packed with care,

Her voice soothed and lacked despair.

"Darling", she said, as she brushed the hair off my brow,

"The world maybe confusing, with its ifs, whats and hows",

"It maybe cruel, and at times unfair",

"But it lends a lot of hope to those who dare".

"It teaches and troubles, it appeases and it bites",

"It nudges and pushes, till you break free of fright",

"You'll wonder why you have to deal with it all",

"But darling you see, it'll teach you to stand tall"

"There will be times when you'll cry from that pain",

"And at times you'll want to run away",

"But remember you have that strength in you",

"And if you believe, you can make it through".

"But", I said, "How can you be so sure?",

"This is something I haven't faced before!",

"What if I crash or what if I burn?",

"The road is forked, with bumps and turns!"

She laughed softly and looked at me,
"Sweetheart", she said, with empathy,
"You have your friends and your family",
"You have your years and your beliefs".
"And this is the time to fight your battles",
"This is the time to make your life",
"This is that time you leap and jump"
"This is your time to get it right!"

A Dream

A distant gaze, a future it sees,
Laughter and joy and serenity,
The flutter of the eye,
Oh it cannot be!
A pinch on the arm,
And she is back to reality.