When you say nothing at all

" You say it best,
When you say nothing at all"

I doubt the above mentioned lines need introduction. They are from the much famous song by Ronan Keating (OST of Notting Hill, a hit movie owing to it's attractive Brit hunk, and no I'm not talking about Spike ) sung in a romantic-emotions evoking voice. The classic mushy make -your - heart melt song. And it makes me go "Aaawwww"

Yeh, I'm a fan of the song. My friends tease me over the fact, that no guy will ever find it appropriate to dedicate the song to me, because I usually DO have something to say. I snarl in return. Okay, so I resort to vicious expressions when words fail, but it still falls under the "Saying nothing at all" category. It does!

But they joke, and I ignore. See, saying nothing at all again. And I dream about that bench in the park. The blue house. The handsome Brit hunk. ( No, not Spike! Geez! ) And I smile to myself and say Someday.....

But, reality is quite different than that described by a chart topper. And such discoveries don't take time to sink in.

It, honestly, sucks having nothing to say. Almost suffocating. Like defeat, where you console yourself saying that maybe, just maybe, your silence will make some difference. But then, that's just wishful thinking. And lots of willpower.

It stifles, not being able to express. And not being able to express usually stems from knowing and accepting that what you say won't matter. And that's pretty harsh.

It's better, I guess, to say something wrong. You can apologize later. It's best to say something right. An ego boost, plus instant trust.

Of course, saying nothing at all is different than "choosing" not to say anything. The latter at least leaves you with a feeling of doing good by keeping mum. Having nothing to say at all, that's resignation of thought. Loss of influence. Loss of worth.

It's when you try hard to divert, distract and adopt the " It really doesn't matter to me" attitude. You lie to yourself, though deep down you know you have been beaten.

Romantic or not, I'd rather not have " speechless" moments. I would prefer having the capacity to utter a "Wow", "Amazing", "Oh god!" in situations, rather than be overwhelmed by emotions of disturbing, conflicting nature and build a wall around myself.

I'm sure Paul Overstreet and Don Schlitz did not want me to feel this way. They did include a smile on the face and truth in eyes in the lyrics, and I probably should have let that soothe my agitation. But, that's just me, putting in my two pence.

What do you have to say?